Love and Loss

12

A%2Bto%2BZ%2BBadge%2B2012%2B%25281%2529 Love and Loss

red sky at night 300x200 Love and LossBrad parked the police car in his driveway, pulled the keys from the ignition, and sat quietly for a few minutes before opening the door and getting out. Lanie had called him earlier so he knew that her meeting with her boss hadn’t gone as they had hoped it would. It was the result she had told him to expect but they were still disappointed. He leaned back against his car and gazed at the evening sky. “Red sky at night … some how I’m not feeling the promise of a delightful day tomorrow. How much grief, disappointment and loss is one little family supposed to endure? All of our friends are starting families, having babies, why … just … why?” He groaned in frustration and gazed out at the neighborhood they had chosen 3 years ago because it would be a good place to raise a family. Maybe they should of stayed in the condo. It would have hurt less than coming home day after day to an empty house.

Brad scrubbed his hands against his short hair and turned his gaze on their home. They hadn’t filled it with the babies they had both expected but it was full of love anyway. Were they wrong for wanting to share that love with children? He didn’t think so. And the worst part was that they could barely talk about the simmering disappointment that they both felt because Lanie already felt too guilty about her … THEIR … infertility. He had tried, time and again, to convince her that it didn’t matter, he didn’t love her any less, and he would be perfectly happy to just adopt. She was the one who had resisted, believing that one of these months the baby they wanted would miraculously be on it’s way. Besides … she had seen so many adoptions go wrong. Especially infants and they both wanted a baby! Lanie had said that she would like to adopt an older child or two later. Maybe some hard to place kids. But she wanted her own babies first. He had to admit that made sense. So they waited and hoped and waited and ….

He heard children’s laughter floating on the Spring evening air and gazed back out at the cul-de-sac. “What are we supposed to do about Allie? More waiting, eh?” Brad sighed heavily and pushed himself away from the car. He walked towards the house, pausing to pluck a few weeds from the flowers beds lining the walk. He could hear Copper, Lanie’s Pomeranian, working himself into a frenzy, so excited that Brad was home. “Am I never going to know what it’s like to have a child so excited to see me come home at the end of the day?”

The tiny dog’s volume increased and Brad looked up to see that Lanie had opened the inner door and was leaning against the lintel watching him. He smiled at her and beckoned her to come outside and sit in the porch swing with him for a while. As she opened the door Copper raced out to meet him and danced excitedly around his feet. He laughed and leaned down to pet the little dog. “Hey Beast! Did you have a good day?” Then he continued up the walk to meet his beautiful wife on their front porch.

~~~~~

Moving

April 13, 2012

Infertility

12

Saturday morning Lanie woke early even though she and Brad had sat up late the night before talking about Allie. She would ask her boss about starting the paperwork on Monday. For the moment she had something else on her mind. She went into the master bath and reached into the back of the closet where she hid a supply of early pregnancy kits. It was probably ridiculous that she kept them on hand since they were always negative. Still … she couldn’t seem to stop hoping.

Negative Pregnancy Test InfertilityLanie opened the packaging discarding the instructions. She could give lectures on how to use these things by now. Covering a yawn she shuffled over to the toilet, lifted the hem of her gown and sat. Peeing on a stick was not the most graceful way to start her day but she had to know. She set the stick aside, refusing to look at it until it was time. Since she had to wait 3 minutes anyway she decided to grab a quick shower.

Standing under the stream of warm water, Lanie began her litany of prayers for a positive result and grace to accept it if it was negative. Tears mixed with shower water as her doubts, born of bitter experience, began to hammer at her heart. She washed and conditioned her hair and shaved her legs … trying to postpone the inevitable. Finally she turned the water off and stood, watching the final suds circle around the drain and disappear. Reaching outside the shower, she grabbed her white robe and shrugged into it as she stepped out of the shower.

Without looking at the results, Lanie picked up the little white stick and sat on the toilet seat. She set it aside again for a moment while she towel-dried her hair. Then she picked it back up and forced herself to look … “please God, let there be 2 lines.”

One line! One stupid control line. No positive. No baby. Not for her. Never. Lanie threw the offending test stick across the room and collapsed in tears, huddled on the toilet. After a moment she felt a wave of cool air blow across her wet head, as Brad opened the door and peeked in.

“Lanie? You okay?”

*****

Job

April 10, 2012

Conversations

0

betterwriter Conversations

Today’s Challenge: I want you to write three excerpts of dialogue. They don’t need to be lengthy. The focus is the exchange of words even if it is just back and forth a few times. So, first identify which register it should be written in and then write a few lines of text back and forth between the parties.

1.) A boyfriend and girlfriend saying goodbye as he is deployed for the next year. 

Intimate Register

Increased security meant that Shelley couldn’t walk to the gate with Brian and spend every possible second with him before the plane disappeared into the sky. So he wanted to say their goodbyes here at home. Then he would climb into a taxi with his duffel bag and be gone. For a year. How was she supposed to survive without him for a year? She stood off to one side as he gave final words and hugs to his family.  Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them back furiously. He didn’t want her to cry. There would be time for tears later. The taxi pulled up in front of the apartment building and she felt her heart begin to race. His dad picked up the bag and carried it to the taxi. Brian walked to her with a smile in his eyes. “I WILL be back, Babe. I promise!”

Shelley blinked back more tears and smiled up into his face as he wrapped his arms around her. “And I’ll be here waiting! You’ll Skype?”

“Every chance I get. A year isn’t that long, Shell, and when I get back … we’ll schedule our wedding. Okay?”

“I’ll be holding you to that,” Shelley whispered. The taxi honked impatiently and Brian’s dad called to him. One last kiss and he walked to the waiting car. As  he was easing his lanky body into the back seat of the cab, Shelley called, “I love you, Brian! You’re my life! Please be safe!”

He grinned back at her, “I love you too, Babe!” Then he closed the door, rolled down the window, and waved goodbye as the car pulled away from the curb.

Shelley waved until she couldn’t see him anymore. She felt like she would collapse from grief and worry. His mother walked over and put her arms around her trembling shoulders. “Come in the house, Shelley. It’s going to be okay.”

2.) A professor giving a lecture on the importance of attending class regularly.

Formal Register

Professor White stood behind the lectern and cleared his throat. He had been teaching college for a long time and he knew that students tended to tune out on this first day of class. He had been giving them an overview of the syllabus and now he needed to give them a final word of caution before dismissing them.

“Finally, ladies and gentlemen, let me offer you a word of caution. I am aware that it is not an easy thing to get out of bed and attend an 8:00 a.m. class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Particularly when you stay out too late the night before. While I completely understand this … I do not excuse it. Nor will I allow you to make excuses! Attendance will count for 25% of your grade and the percentage of time that you spend in class will make up that number. So every time you choose to sleep in … you are choosing to lose points! Any questions?”

Groans rose from around the classroom and one timid girl in the second row raised her hand. “What if we’re sick?”

“I suggest that you pray for good health. No excuses means just that. NO excuses. Class dismissed.”

3.) A discussion between women at a local Mom’s group regarding pre-schools.

Informal/Conversational Register

Jenny sat on the park bench watching the children play and listening to the other moms talking about pre-schools. Her oldest boy, Sean, was almost old enough for her to be considering enrolling him but she loved having her babies at home. Besides which she and Kyle were thinking about home-schooling their kids. She dropped that thought into the conversation, as her eyes continued to focus on the children playing a few feet away, “Have any of you thought about home-schooling?”

“You mean, like, teach our own kids at home,” laughed Brooke. “And never get a break? I can hardly wait until mine are in school all day. Maybe then I can actually get the house clean and the laundry caught up.”

“Don’t count on that happening,” Heather countered. “3 of my 4 are in school and I’m still struggling to catch up. Are you really thinking about home-schooling, Jenny? I admire people who can do it but … not me! I’m not that disciplined or organized.”

“We’re praying about it,” Jenny responded. “We just think that God gave us these children to raise … not to turn them over to someone else to train them. Besides … I would miss them if they went off to school. I enjoy being a mom.”

button Conversations

PRACTICE
Let’s try writing stream-of-consciousness today. And for those still uncer­tain, feel free to not fol­low Faulkner to a T. Use punctuation, use full-sentences, but flesh out what your char­ac­ter is think­ing and feeling.

Write about that char­ac­ter of yours that still seems a lit­tle bit of a mys­tery to you. What would they do if they were in a room full of peo­ple, but tun­ing every­one else out.

I’m choosing to write about Lanie from Allie’s Story.

2409509 s 300x200 ConversationsLanie hung up the phone and continued to gaze out the window. She suspected that she knew what Brad was thinking. They both wanted kids and it just hadn’t happened. It was so hard to work, every day, with abused kids, unwanted kids, people with too many kids. It had gotten to a point where just looking at a pregnant woman broke her heart. Why God? Why is it so easy for everyone else to get pregnant but it’s beyond us? Have we done something to offend You and you’ve made me infertile to punish us? Do you still do that? I know You did in the Old Testament but I don’t remember it happening after Jesus came. Besides … You said that I stand pure and holy, guiltless, in Your presence so why would You punish me for something that I don’t even remember doing? I guess You wouldn’t. So WHY? Why can I not get pregnant? Why no babies? Why is my husband now “shopping” for an orphan? Have I failed him? We haven’t even talked about adoption yet God. Well we have but only in general terms. I want a baby. Fresh. New. One that only knows us as parents. Are You REALLY calling us to adopt an older child? One who has suffered so much loss and abuse? God she is going to be so emotionally needy and I’m not sure I have the strength. What are You trying to do to me? Heaving a heavy sigh, Lanie turned back around, sat in her chair, and started to read Allie’s case folder.

April 5, 2012