Love and Loss

12

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red sky at night 300x200 Love and LossBrad parked the police car in his driveway, pulled the keys from the ignition, and sat quietly for a few minutes before opening the door and getting out. Lanie had called him earlier so he knew that her meeting with her boss hadn’t gone as they had hoped it would. It was the result she had told him to expect but they were still disappointed. He leaned back against his car and gazed at the evening sky. “Red sky at night … some how I’m not feeling the promise of a delightful day tomorrow. How much grief, disappointment and loss is one little family supposed to endure? All of our friends are starting families, having babies, why … just … why?” He groaned in frustration and gazed out at the neighborhood they had chosen 3 years ago because it would be a good place to raise a family. Maybe they should of stayed in the condo. It would have hurt less than coming home day after day to an empty house.

Brad scrubbed his hands against his short hair and turned his gaze on their home. They hadn’t filled it with the babies they had both expected but it was full of love anyway. Were they wrong for wanting to share that love with children? He didn’t think so. And the worst part was that they could barely talk about the simmering disappointment that they both felt because Lanie already felt too guilty about her … THEIR … infertility. He had tried, time and again, to convince her that it didn’t matter, he didn’t love her any less, and he would be perfectly happy to just adopt. She was the one who had resisted, believing that one of these months the baby they wanted would miraculously be on it’s way. Besides … she had seen so many adoptions go wrong. Especially infants and they both wanted a baby! Lanie had said that she would like to adopt an older child or two later. Maybe some hard to place kids. But she wanted her own babies first. He had to admit that made sense. So they waited and hoped and waited and ….

He heard children’s laughter floating on the Spring evening air and gazed back out at the cul-de-sac. “What are we supposed to do about Allie? More waiting, eh?” Brad sighed heavily and pushed himself away from the car. He walked towards the house, pausing to pluck a few weeds from the flowers beds lining the walk. He could hear Copper, Lanie’s Pomeranian, working himself into a frenzy, so excited that Brad was home. “Am I never going to know what it’s like to have a child so excited to see me come home at the end of the day?”

The tiny dog’s volume increased and Brad looked up to see that Lanie had opened the inner door and was leaning against the lintel watching him. He smiled at her and beckoned her to come outside and sit in the porch swing with him for a while. As she opened the door Copper raced out to meet him and danced excitedly around his feet. He laughed and leaned down to pet the little dog. “Hey Beast! Did you have a good day?” Then he continued up the walk to meet his beautiful wife on their front porch.

~~~~~

Moving

April 13, 2012

Grief and Guilt

9

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~~~~~

Brad parked his Jeep in front of the Cranfill’s home and looked at his silent wife. “You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Lanie, who had been gazing quietly out the window since he had picked her up 10 minutes earlier, turned to him and smiled. “Nothing’s wrong, Brad. I was just thinking. And I really dread telling this poor child that her mother is gone.” Lanie’s eyes filled with tears at the thought and she blinked them away before they could spill over. It wouldn’t help anything for her to walk in crying.  ”Let’s do this.”

“If you’re sure.” Brad hopped out of the Jeep and went around to open her door. As she moved to get out he stepped in front of her. “Do you have any idea how much I adore you?”

Lanie laughed, looked up into his face and answered, “At least enough to put up with my yappy little dog! I love you too, Brad. Now let’s go do this before I chicken out and run away to Mexico.”

“I dunno, Hun. Mexico sounds pretty good.” Brad moved to the side to allow her to exit the Jeep and laughed at her saucy response.

“Who said I was taking you?” Lanie walked quickly around the Jeep and up the walk toward the house. She turned to advise Brad to behave himself but he beat her to it.

“I’ll be good, Babe. Ring the bell.”

Mrs. Cranfill had obviously been watching for their arrival because she opened the door just as Lanie reached out to ring the bell. “Come in, come in. I just sent Grampa to fetch Allie. She’s watching TV in the other room. Can I get you a drink or anything?”

sad girl 022 300x199 Grief and GuiltBrad and Lanie both declined and moved to sit on the couch. Lanie set her briefcase on her lap and opened it to retrieve Allie’s case file. As she was setting the briefcase back on the floor she heard the child walk into the room and looked up. Allie was a beautiful little girl with creamy olive skin, curly dark hair and darker eyes. She seemed a bit small for a 5-year-old but perhaps she was just slightly built. There was a bruise healing on her left cheek and sorrow in her eyes. Brad spoke first, “Hey Allie. Do you remember me?

The child turned her solemn gaze on him and studied him for a moment. She finally responded, “I thought you were Jesus but you’re not.”

Brad started at the comment and asked why she had thought such a thing.

“Mommy told me that when I was scared and thought I was alone in the dark that I wasn’t really alone because Jesus was there and He would never leave me. When you were in the closet, I thought you were Jesus. When you left me alone … I knew you weren’t.” Lanie felt Brad deflate as he heard the child’s speech and she knew this was going to be harder than she’d anticipated.

Allie turned to leave the room as if she was done with them but Mrs. Cranfill stopped her. ”Allie, honey, these people came to talk to you. Can you please come sit down for a little while.” Allie shrugged lightly and crawled up into a chair that seemed to swallow the tiny girl. She turned her sad eyes on Lanie but didn’t speak.

~~~~~

Home

April 7, 2012

Explanation

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2409509 s 300x200 Explanation

Brad was mowing the lawn when his cell phone rang with Lanie’s ring. He stopped the mower, so he could hear, and answered. “Hey Babe.”

Lanie answered with a smile in her voice. “Hi Brad. Guess what I’m looking at.”

“More games, eh? Uh … romantic getaway vacations?”

“I wish. No … I traded files with Liz and had your Allie reassigned to me. I was just sitting here looking at her file. I also called Mrs. Cranfill to check on her and she said Allie is settling right in. Too bad that’s an emergency placement. I hate to have to reassign her if she’s feeling safe and settled there.”

“She doesn’t have any family available to take her?”

Lanie sighed, “It doesn’t look like it, Babe.” Brad could hear her flipping pages in the file. “Mom grew up in the system and … biological father died a few years ago. We’ll do some investigating to see if we can find someone to take her but it doesn’t look good.”

Brad stood gazing at the sky … thinking.

“Brad?”

“Yeah, Lanie. Just thinking. Did anyone tell her yet?”

Lanie shifted her phone to the other shoulder and turned so she could look out the window. “No, Brad. She doesn’t know. I guess I’ll go tell her this afternoon. Please pray for me. I hate this part of my job.”

“How about if I go with you?”

“As a police official or as Brad?”

“Whichever works. Are you going to have to move her to another home today?”

“I was thinking about that. It would probably be best for the child if I find a foster to adopt home that would be able to take her as soon as possible. I’ll have to look through the files and see if I can …”

Brad interrupted his wife mid-sentence, “Lanie … could you wait a few days on that?”

“Brad why would I want to wait. The sooner we can get this child settled in a permanent home the better it will be for her.”

“Just a couple of days, Lanie! I promise I’ll explain why tonight. And I’ll help you look for her family too. Please?”

Lanie paused, considering the plea in her husband’s voice and the fact that he had never interfered in her cases like this before. “You’ll explain tonight? You promise?”

“Absolutely!”

“And you want to come with me to tell this child that her mother is dead?” It felt harsh to put it out there like that but situations like this were one of Lanie’s least favorite things about her job.

“I do. What time do you want me to pick you up?”

Lanie suspected that there was something going on here that she wasn’t completely grasping yet but she loved and trusted this husband of hers. She gazed at the skyline and asked God what to do. “2:00. No uniform. And Brad … this better be an awesome explanation!

April 5, 2012

Different

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police badge 1 225x300 DifferentIt had been a long work week and Officer Brad Davis was ready for a few days off. He pulled his squad car into the driveway, gave a quick glance to his overgrown grass as he got out, and walked toward his home. Opening the front door he noted delicious aromas on the air. Lanie had been cooking again. He gave the Pomeranian, bouncing at his feet, a quick greeting and headed for the kitchen.  He stopped in the doorway and leaned on one side, admiring his wife.

“Hey beautiful! What’s for dinner?”

Elaine Davis, social worker by day, gourmet cook by night, lifted a pot lid, to stir its contents, and laughed lightly. “What does it smell like, Brad?”

“Guessing games, eh?” Brad walked up behind Lanie, lifted her dark hair and kissed the nape of her neck. “Italian?”

Lanie shifted lightly within his hug and admonished him to be good. “Dinner’s almost ready, Babe, but you have time to grab a quick shower before we eat.”

Brad released her, backed up a bit, and leaned against the kitchen cabinets. “Want to put that on simmer and come help?” Lanie swatted him with a  dish towel and shooed him out of the kitchen.

15 minutes later, Brad and Lanie sat down to dinner. Spicy Spaghetti with Meat Sauce, Tossed Salad, Crusty Garlic Bread. Brad offered thanks for provision, safety, and the meal. As they began to eat he asked, “So did you see her today?”

Lanie concentrated on twirling her spaghetti onto her fork and asked vaguely, “Did I see who?”

“Allie. The little girl that we brought in last night. I took her to an emergency foster home early this morning.”

Lanie set her fork down and looked closely at her husband. “Is there some reason that this one is special?” Seeing the look on his face she immediately added, “I know. They’re all special. But you don’t usually ask for follow-up information. What’s up?”

Brad looked out the window for a moment as he debated how to answer. She was right. Something about this child had grabbed his heart in a way he’d never dealt with before. He kept thinking about her. The softness of her hair. Her dark eyes evaluating whether or not he was safe and deciding he was. The way it had felt to cradle her in his arms. He felt badly that she had given him her trust and he had abandoned her to more people she didn’t know.

He looked back into his wife’s eyes. “I don’t know, Lanie. She’s just … different. I need to know she’s okay.”

~~~~~

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Thanks so much for reading!

If I can remember, between now and Friday, I will also link this to Red Writing Hood, where the Challenge this week was to experiment with some romantic dialogue.

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April 4, 2012